Adam Mitchell [00:00:00]:
As you probably know, one of the biggest challenges that fathers face is planning, dealing with, negotiating, and sort of managing the topic of raising children in such a over sexualized and hypersexualized world, especially when our children are seeing the message of fathers fulfilling this role that it's very common to see. You just have to look for it in any sitcom, any television show that your kids are watching. The father is usually out of shape, overweight. The father is usually dumb. They're sort of a comedy centerpiece of the show, and they play this role where they say stupid things all the time. They're getting laughed at. They're kind of the dummy in the whole circle of the of the cast of the show. Right? So not only are our children seeing this positioning of who we are, but, they're also seeing this over sexualization standard that's being fed through media, whether it be social media, or or whether it just be television.
Adam Mitchell [00:00:53]:
You're always gonna see that undercurrent. It's very overt social media where your young child, instead of watching, you know, shows like papa pig or something like that, they're going to end up getting, sort of nurtured and groomed into sexualized content algorithmically. So they're gonna be getting trained to be witness to this and then to eventually, at some level, accept it and then to look towards it, right, as a signpost for who they're supposed to be, and we don't wanna do that. That's exactly what doctor Tara on this episode is gonna be talking about in conversation with me. We're gonna be doing a deep dive into communicating family communication with our children about the topic of sexuality and responsibly raising our children with in in discussion with this topic. So how do we have this communication? What are some of the things that we need to look for? What are some of the obstacles that even as a smart father, even as someone who's been around the block a few times, like probably you have, what are some of the things that we haven't seen yet, and what are some of the considerations that we may wanna make so that we can raise our children, our boys, and our girls to have confidence on this topic, to be resilient about the topic, and to be able to make the best possible choices. That's exactly what we're gonna dive into in this episode of the Close Quarter Dad. But right now, let's get into this conversation once again with doctor Tara.
Adam Mitchell [00:02:10]:
And by the way, please make sure that you check out doctor Tara's podcast, Love Bites. It's extraordinary. Subscribe to it. Make sure you give her all the support and love that she deserves. Let's get started with this episode. Alright, everybody. Welcome back, and I am very excited to be with doctor Tara today. Doctor Tara is a professor at Cal State University in sex behavior and sexual communication.
Adam Mitchell [00:02:34]:
Her current work, which we're gonna be really diving into, is on family sex communication. And one of the things I really wanna spotlight with each of you, who are at the summit is you need to hop over during this conversation or after this conversation and make sure you subscribe to her podcast, Love Bites. What you're gonna be able to gain and learn from this, podcast in every episode is gonna be incredibly valuable for you as a man, for your family, and for the ongoing communications in general understanding of, sexuality, and sexual communication. It's such a pleasure having you here.
Dr. Tara [00:03:10]:
Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor, Adam.
Adam Mitchell [00:03:13]:
Yeah. So there's a lot of discussion. We were talking about this earlier. There's a lot of discussion and a lot of work right now going on in the parenting space on the topic of sexuality and the topic of being able to communicate with your children about sexuality, especially now that the Internet I mean, the Internet's not a new thing. We're 25 years where it's be pretty much become ubiquitous. But now with the access to information, the ubiquitous access to, to pornography or we'll we'll call it, you know, in in our generation adult content. It's not even really adult content anymore. But in in in the time that we spend together, I wanna really be able to help have you help us spotlight and really focus in on where the dangers of sexuality exist and how we as dads can step into the relationships that we have with our children and be able to communicate with them about sexuality.
Adam Mitchell [00:04:16]:
And and I you might be able to help reframe me here. But what I feel is being a parent of 4 kids is the more we're able to have these open discussions about sexuality with our kids, the more we're gonna harden them from some of the traumatic content and consumption of that content, and the misunderstanding behind sexuality that can really, I believe, create some long term trauma. So I'm hoping that we can really focus in on that and that you'll help us to become, better parents in that way through that communication and protecting our kids. And then and then maybe pivot into, giving sexuality more of a meaning in our child's life as they grow. So it's not something to be afraid of. It's something to celebrate. And we as parents need to help them to understand and guide them there. How does that sound to you?
Dr. Tara [00:05:15]:
All incredibly important, and I'm really excited to have this discussion with you. And also, 4 kids, I mean, you know, I'm clapping because that's a full time job.
Adam Mitchell [00:05:27]:
It is. Yeah. Thank you so much. So let's let's get started in let's just kinda just go right to the throat here. What Yeah. What is the problem that you see parents what what is the what is the what is the monster in the closet that we're not seeing? Yeah. There's porn. There's Pornhub.
Adam Mitchell [00:05:49]:
There's kids can just go online and data. But, like, really, what are we not seeing, Tara?
Dr. Tara [00:05:55]:
Mhmm. So, when we talk about porn, we should talk about porn in a way where, are they seeking out themselves? And we're talking about children here. So let let's give it a little context. We're talking about teenagers. Right? As they approach puberty. The closer of age to puberty, the more sexual exploration desire is getting stronger and stronger. But it doesn't count out children that are under 10 years old that get to see porn and regardless of how much you protect it in your household, they will see it from, let's say, there is that one friend at school where their parents allow them to have a smartphone, and they show it to everyone. So there's ex porn exposure, for children at a younger age, typically is not from their own household.
Dr. Tara [00:06:56]:
So let's say that. Right? So when, you're protecting your children from from porn, exposure to porn, at at a young age, under 10 years old, you're doing the right thing. You're doing a great thing from protecting them to see, you know, unrealistic sexual encounters. And a lot of times, very, aggressive and highly fetishized, sex scenes from porn, protecting your underage, under teenagers, children from that is the right thing to do. And here's why. Because I know some, sexuality researchers that are perhaps a little bit more radical on the other side from me, and I respect them. But they would say, there's no age too young for porn and for talking about sex. However, it depends on how you angle, this knowledge from.
Dr. Tara [00:07:58]:
In my opinion, I think, you know, teenagers, like as you reach puberty, so like 12, 13. Yes. 100%. Talk about, hey, like have you seen any porn? Like have you tried to go on it? Have you seen it from your friend's house? Your friend's phones? Like let's talk about it, Right? So to me, I'm a huge supporter of let's talk about healthy sexual relationship when they're when they hit puberty. However, you know, we we see I mean, I have a client that comes in and her son watches porn at school from a friend's phone, and he's 8. And now he's so curious to Google up, these things at home, and he realizes that he can't because his computer has a block on.
Adam Mitchell [00:08:47]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:08:49]:
So, every time he searches something, it will send to his mom that he's searching these keywords.
Adam Mitchell [00:08:57]:
Good for mom.
Dr. Tara [00:08:58]:
So, yeah, so mom comes to me crying. What do I do? My son is 8, and he is searching words that I couldn't even fathom knowing these words when I was a kid. And I mean, we're talking about, you know, like group sex, BDSM, forced porn. We're talking about some hardcore stuff, not, you know, amateur missionary sex.
Adam Mitchell [00:09:30]:
Let let me take a break here and kinda step into something that you said that I've I've I've always wondered, and this is a great opportunity to ask it. Is there a difference between when like, we say porn, and is that as just I mean, do we wanna use that as a blanket term with our kids for a Playboy magazine? Was that considered porn or an or or I I just wanna be careful that we don't associate the naked body or the or a a a mediarized act of sexual engagement as porn, and it and it's only in that silo. Are there or should we be talking in different kind of containers? And and where where are those borders cross? And is does that come down to the family dynamic? Maybe they're people of faith. Maybe they have just different culture. But, like, where does it where where does it step onto the porn train? I
Dr. Tara [00:10:18]:
guess so. Yeah. The porn train hashtag. I would say pornography that has potential hazard to young children are video pornography. Yeah. So Pornhub xnxx, and any other, like, millions of websites that are out there.
Adam Mitchell [00:10:36]:
Sure.
Dr. Tara [00:10:36]:
That's video porn. With, like, naked pictures or semi naked pictures, on a magazine, social media, there's a lot of teenagers, you know, shaking their butts on TikTok to let's be real, almost naked, wearing bikinis. Your 12 year old children are not gonna be able to escape from that. Right. There's a lot of that kind of content online. The only way you can do the only way to approach this is to approach it with the dialogue, method rather than a monologue method. Rather than, like, don't even look at that. That's, like, that's all BS.
Dr. Tara [00:11:13]:
You know? Like, don't even like, don't become that. That's, unworthy or, you know, speaking about it in a negative way. To have a dialogue, like, what have you seen? You know, how do you feel about that? Asking a lot of questions, empower your children to think for themselves in a healthy manner. A one way monologue, lots of research have found, not a one way
Dr. Tara [00:11:45]:
monologue. Lots of research have found, especially when it comes to sexuality of all kinds of topics, they don't work.
Dr. Tara [00:11:45]:
Yeah. Places where parents tend to do a monologue of like, don't have sex, you're gonna get pregnant sees the highest teenage pregnancy rates. So we know that monologues don't work.
Adam Mitchell [00:12:01]:
That's super interesting. So let let's just kinda peel that back there for a second. So a one way discussion. Don't do this. Don't don't have sex because I don't wanna be a grandparent. That that group of conversations is actually the one that ends up getting the highest rate of teen pregnancy.
Dr. Tara [00:12:21]:
Yes. Yes. And multiple studies have shown that.
Adam Mitchell [00:12:25]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:12:27]:
Right? I mean, think about it. If it worked, we would know it worked some all this research. But no, time and time again, evidence suggests that monologues don't work. And in fact, it doesn't just not work. It swings the other way.
Adam Mitchell [00:12:41]:
Yeah. Alright.
Dr. Tara [00:12:43]:
Sounds. Well, I hope that's, like, you know, a great, reminder for all dads and parents out there that if that's the method you're going with right now, it's okay. It's time to change.
Adam Mitchell [00:12:54]:
Yeah. So let's let's loop back a little bit. And I I asked some questions, and I think, I may have moved, you know, sort of away from what I'm looking at here. I really wanna understand and and and we can go comp I mean, we're uncensored here, so go for it. I really I really wanna know what the, what the things that doctor Tara, I'd like to know what scares the shit out of you.
Dr. Tara [00:13:21]:
Like, with my children?
Adam Mitchell [00:13:23]:
With your children and with
Dr. Tara [00:13:25]:
I would be
Adam Mitchell [00:13:26]:
the topic of sexuality and porn right now? Like, what what scares you?
Dr. Tara [00:13:30]:
What scares me is baiting. Mhmm. It's people using porn channels to chat with children or teenagers that are super horny, and try to get things from them or try to get them to come to to them. That scares the shit out of me. You know, like, if my children are talking to this, quote unquote, cam person online, or quote unquote, they're, like, there are men that will reach out and say, hey, like, I wanna pay you $1,000 a month. Like and this is, you know, maybe a 14 year old girl. Right? Hey, I wanna pay you $1,000 a month to just have come have dinner with me, once a week. How about that? A $1,000 a month for a 14 year old is plenty.
Dr. Tara [00:14:22]:
So that scares the shit out of me. What if my daughter not thinking anything about how much, like, you know, dangers that are out there in the world just naively, like, yeah, I'll get an Uber. Like, what's the address? That scares the shit out of me. And, you know, sadly, it's typically linked to porn or adult sites. Yeah. Yeah.
Adam Mitchell [00:14:44]:
So there's a the then the discussion here is and we have a a gentleman from the from Bark, the mobile app, who's gonna be here with us, at the summit. And he's gonna be speaking on sort of the protective measures in shielding your child from that. Mhmm. Great. I'd like to hear from you how we protect them from stepping into that. Like, what's what's the urge? What's causing them to get into that dialogue? What's making them go to those channels to where they can be easily targeted? Because I think once they're they're stimulated in some way.
Dr. Tara [00:15:21]:
Mhmm.
Adam Mitchell [00:15:22]:
They're whether it's curiosity, whether it's sexual stimulation, they are stimulated, and then they become even more vulnerable. So let's let's kind of deconstruct this a bit, Tara, and let's find out. Yeah. I'd like to hear from you. Like, what makes our child go to that site, and what can we do to prevent that?
Dr. Tara [00:15:44]:
Let me let me start with, there's almost nothing you can do to prevent the whole thing to happen. Mhmm. You can empower them to make smart choices. Yeah. And that's the best way to go. Yes. Like, I I agree with you know, I'm excited to hear from the representative from the mobile company on how to shield. And I think that is, that is very beneficial, and I think we should be doing that.
Dr. Tara [00:16:13]:
However, you know, these forces, the Internet porn and the adult film industry and adult industry in general, they have different ways to creep into the teenagers' lives. So as much as you can do that, which you should, it won't be 100% protective of what they can do. So what is, you know, one of the most powerful things in empowering children to make smart choices is knowing that they have a supportive and communicative parents. Supportive and communicative parents, regardless of what mistakes they've done. Let's say let's say a hypothetical situation. Not actually. It's one of my client's children. They went on a Cam Girl website, used the credit card, and has been paying the person to do sexual things, for them online.
Dr. Tara [00:17:15]:
Right? The mom, when she realized, immediately flipped out, lock him in the room, took all away of all technology away, and he was grounded for 1 whole month. Yeah. That's how I work. No. No. She not only that, she was she told her all her girlfriends, her mom friends that have sons, like, hey, just be careful. Your sons will do this. So now everyone knows.
Dr. Tara [00:17:42]:
So now not only that his, you know, social life is gone because all everyone in school knows what he did, all the moms know, and he gets he no longer feels supported from anyone. Loneliness will loneliness and feeling misunderstood will catalyze, act as a catalyst for your children to seek out these people who quote unquote support them and are there for them and understand them and show them stimulation and all of those things. So when someone asks, Adam, when you ask me what's the best way to go about protecting our children from these dangerous forces. You know what it is. It's a loving, supportive, communicative parent.
Adam Mitchell [00:18:30]:
Boom. So you said something wonderful, and I just wanna bookmark it here. And that is, your use twice now of the word support where it was the, it was the predator, we'll just call it that, inside of, you know, in these sites that provides them support, and that's what you just said.
Dr. Tara [00:18:48]:
Yeah.
Adam Mitchell [00:18:48]:
And then you just said providing them with a supportive, loving environment and having that open communication with them. You know, there is it was a recent discussion I had that was very meaningful centered around children being supported or approved. And children who go into places where it's based on approval, that can be damaging because that ends up in social exclusion. It ends up in children, having self defeating narratives. It it just don't it's it's a shit show. But where they're supported is what we want, not where they're approved. If they go into social communities where they're approved, that's not what we want. Children wanna be supported.
Adam Mitchell [00:19:31]:
Everybody does. And it sounds to me that the, the situation there was really flip flipped. That mother was not approving. She wasn't supporting. And as a result yeah. Boy, you really wanna break the relationship with your son. Just do that. Mhmm.
Adam Mitchell [00:19:49]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:19:49]:
I was yeah. When she first came to me, I tried my best not to have my judgmental face on because, like, obviously, she's seeking help. But I'm like, wow. Okay. That's just so you know, that's not okay. Yeah. What you did is not okay.
Adam Mitchell [00:20:01]:
So so then I think the first message I'm hearing from you, Tara, is when we discover these keywords, these search you know, we go into Google search or we, you know, we have an app or whatever, and we see that our child has been exposed to some hardcore porn. The thing that we need to step in is to eliminate those old narratives, eliminate our mother and father coming out of us, and to really step into a supportive role and find out what what are they seeing, what's what's does what's their desire? I mean, let's let's maybe step into, a little bit of the family sex communication here because and, you know, I'm hearing this, and it's really amazing because one of the things I teach is in in our loss prevention program where we teach if your child gets lost in the wilderness and they're disconnected from you, they get lost in the city and it's a dangerous situation. One of the things that is most important in that training, it happens long, long, long before that happens, which is you exposing them to those conversations of the potential of this happening. And you and them end up kinda being able to communicate from a distance. So if I know, as a parent, what my child is gonna be doing, if we're yellow Yellowstone National Park and all of a sudden they get lost and, you know, there's tens of thousands of acres of of of wilderness that they could be in, and I have no idea where they are. I at least know what they're doing, and they know what I'm thinking and what I'm what steps I'm taking. So I feel as though what you're saying to me is that through a supportive through through support and love, but also having strong communication about sex, the value of sex, sexuality, and what maybe where that child is in their the stage of life that they're in and being very open in answering the questions and also not answering some questions. Because you may not know the answer, so don't make stuff up.
Adam Mitchell [00:21:55]:
Like, really use that as an opportunity to explore that answer with your child. But what I'm hearing then is that if you've had those discussions with your child and you've been able to connect with them about this topic, then when they get into that situation, maybe with their friends or maybe they they find it on their own or whatever, they're gonna feel that they're they're gonna feel that sense of support in that moment. They're gonna know where mom and dad are at, where we're at, and and how I should be maneuvering and thinking and feeling. Is that accurate?
Dr. Tara [00:22:25]:
Wow, Adam. Amazing summary. You're a great listener. Yes. Exactly. Great. Parents play a huge role in, adolescence' development of sexual agency. And sexual agency is what will empower them to make the right sex decisions, to make the right decisions, not to, to prevent themselves to be in situations where they could be much more sexually vulnerable, you know, a k a, you know, we're talking about, I mean, I can say it.
Dr. Tara [00:23:03]:
Right? We're talking about rape
Adam Mitchell [00:23:04]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:23:04]:
Date rape, and all of the other situations. Also not to be the instigator, not to be the person that commits these things without knowing, oh, it's wrong. You know what's the funny thing is, And it's really not funny. It's it's terrible. Is a lot of young, quote unquote, rapists, many times, they didn't even know that that's not okay. And the sad part is they've seen it in their household where their dads force their moms to have sex or maybe they hear it over the door. Maybe they hear them fight and then get, and then have sex. They think that sex and violence are intertwined, and it's okay to slight to force having sex with someone.
Adam Mitchell [00:24:00]:
So let's go really let's step far into that. That's Yeah. That's huge.
Dr. Tara [00:24:06]:
You you use Family plays a big role in normalization of what sex is.
Adam Mitchell [00:24:14]:
So you yeah. You you had said a couple keywords that I I wrote down that you said earlier was that, you know, unrealistic sexual exchanges. And, you know, we talk about we we, you know, we'll put out this topic of doctor Tara and I are gonna toss have a discussion about keeping your kids safe from porn or and helping support strong and healthy sexual behavior into their life and but, like, the dangers and and kinda like, alright. What are you scared of? But, man, there's, like, these un the unrealistic sexual ex exchanges, we think, like, in the moment, what do we wanna keep our kids safe from? But we really need to keep our kids safe from especially, like, dads of boys, we need to make sure that those boys understand. If you wanna have a lasting and nurturing relationship with someone who's meaningful in your life Mhmm. You need to be able to provide a sense of emotional connectedness and safety, which is going to thus be the baseline for healthy and strong sexual relationships. And and having a only a reference of unreal sigh unrealistic sexual exchanges and all of the other content consumption that is through hardcore porn sends a completely different message. And unless you have those conversations with those young men, I'm just gonna say men like, boys, because I'm thinking here in my mind my sons.
Adam Mitchell [00:25:39]:
And the discussion, I you know, I want them to know that you need to make your partner feel safe. You need to make your partner feel as though they can really count on you, and they're comfortable and and also be a soft place to land when it comes to emotional, connection.
Dr. Tara [00:25:55]:
Mhmm.
Adam Mitchell [00:25:56]:
And that's really the tarmac for sexuality. Right? If you can't get that shit straight, you're gonna be doomed for trying trying to copycat what you've been seeing in those. And guess what? Life doesn't have post edit and and editing and, like, going back and, like, blah blah blah blah, all that.
Dr. Tara [00:26:15]:
Right. Right? Right.
Adam Mitchell [00:26:16]:
How do you feel about that? Like, the the protection of, like, of the long game here that we're trying to
Dr. Tara [00:26:21]:
The long game. Yeah. I highly encourage all parents, you know, the clients that I see as well as my friends who are parents to have an early dialogue about what a healthy relationship is, with your children. And it doesn't have to be like, oh, my god. That's too young. Why would why does she or he or they wanna have to know about a romantic relationship when they're 8? It's not it's a long game. It's not about, oh, you're gonna go and have a relationship right now. But you know what's startling is when one of my friend's daughter, came home, and it's like, you know, Henry tried to Henry tried to kiss me today, and I said, no, I don't want it.
Dr. Tara [00:27:08]:
I don't like you. And he did it anyway. And, 1st graders. Like, you know, kids, they, like, they, like, date, like, for fun. Right? They're, like, oh, this is my my boyfriend or, you know, they they do that. And the fact that this is going on and they grow up to think like, oh, like, it's okay. Like, no is a soft no. It's quite troubling.
Dr. Tara [00:27:36]:
Right? So What do you do there?
Dr. Tara [00:27:38]:
What do you do there?
Adam Mitchell [00:27:38]:
What do you do there?
Dr. Tara [00:27:39]:
Early to talk about, like, boundaries, relationship, communication within that realm, to your kids. Like, what whatever. They're 5. Talk about it.
Adam Mitchell [00:27:49]:
Yeah. Yeah. What do so, I I wanna go back to these, the the unrealistic expectations that we talked about and and a couple of the other dark words that you you shared. And but, you know, I kinda wanna step off here with that 8 year old. You got 2 situations there. You've got that boy doing that to that girl. I mean, that's, like, representative of a huge cultural issue that's been, you know, happening for millennium. But what do we say to our 8 year old dog? Because I know I know all the dads listening who have little girls, the hair on their back just came up.
Adam Mitchell [00:28:28]:
Their fist just clenched, and they almost ripped the steering wheel off their car if they're driving. But what how do we show up there for that 8 year old girl when little Jimmy went over and forced himself on her to kiss her on the cheek?
Dr. Tara [00:28:43]:
A dialogue.
Adam Mitchell [00:28:44]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:28:44]:
So first, instead of, like, that's not okay, Mary. Right? How did you feel? When little Jimmy did that, how did you feel? And maybe they're really young, and they didn't comprehend the situation. They still should be able to say one word or two words about it, that describes maybe their first response. Maybe they say, I didn't like it. Right? Then you empower them to go. And I respect that. You did not like it. Right? So next time, just so you know, like, I'm here.
Dr. Tara [00:29:24]:
If something like this happens again, please tell me. I would like to know. Next time, you should tell the teacher, if it happens again. But again, I want to you I want you to know you did the right thing for saying no because that's not what you want. I empower you to say the same thing. Say no, that's not what I want. And if it happens again, in which I hope it doesn't, immediately tell your teacher.
Dr. Tara [00:29:53]:
Yeah.
Adam Mitchell [00:29:54]:
Do we talk to Jimmy's parents? Like, where That's a
Dr. Tara [00:29:58]:
great question.
Adam Mitchell [00:29:59]:
Yeah. I mean
Dr. Tara [00:29:59]:
That's a great question.
Adam Mitchell [00:30:01]:
Yeah. Where where do we go with that?
Dr. Tara [00:30:05]:
In my school of thought, I would say yes. I would say reach out to Jimmy's parents and say, hey, this is what happened. You know, obviously not saying your son's gonna grow up to be a rapist. Right. But, just so you know, he doesn't understand boundaries.
Adam Mitchell [00:30:20]:
Yeah. It's a boundary issue. Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:30:22]:
The shitty part is there are parents that will deny
Adam Mitchell [00:30:27]:
I know.
Dr. Tara [00:30:28]:
That situation and would say, oh, he would never do something like that.
Dr. Tara [00:30:33]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:30:37]:
What they don't know is a huge oversight. They don't know their son.
Adam Mitchell [00:30:42]:
Yeah. And and
Dr. Tara [00:30:43]:
And there's also a lot of parents could go they're protective of their kids. Right? And you're trying to say, oh, my son did something immoral. Hell, no. I'm gonna protect him. I'm gonna say, he didn't do it. You're gonna go to your son. Even if your son didn't comprehend it, and maybe your son's like, yeah. I kissed her.
Dr. Tara [00:30:59]:
I kissed her. Some parents, man, they're they go to them and they say, don't say you did it. Yep. And that's a huge problem of it in itself.
Adam Mitchell [00:31:10]:
So let's
Dr. Tara [00:31:11]:
say there's a lot of fucked up adults.
Adam Mitchell [00:31:13]:
Yeah. I yeah. Yeah. I know. That's why
Dr. Tara [00:31:17]:
I started this program. Yeah. Which is great.
Adam Mitchell [00:31:20]:
Yeah. So that that you know, I know that that isn't sort of going a little bit off topic here. We're merging onto a different highway here, but it's kinda going in the same direction because, you know, as you were talking, I really recognized quickly the urgency of keeping our kids safe in the long game and making sure that we're setting them up and we're making small investments in our conversations with them for emotional safety, which is just gonna make them so much more stronger in their thirties, forties, and fifties. Right? I mean, it's so incredibly important that us as parents not take the discussions and and the experience that you're sharing with us here to the now, but we actually consider that we're really building a framework for our child and, and and how they are going to experience, sex and intimacy, and relationship and connection for the rest of their life. Super important. Mhmm. Let's go back to, some of those keywords that we were saying. And I'd like to I'd like to hear from you in terms of, like, is this natural? Do we need to have a discussion about these things? And, like, where do they fall on the spectrum of, children witnessing it and it being traumatic? And I'm gonna say and and you're you're I I'd like you to kinda maybe fill in some others that we don't know about or, we're not admitting we know about.
Adam Mitchell [00:32:40]:
Like, but you have bondage or you have some of fetishes. There's other things out there. What are you what what's what what should we be alarmed about, and how should we step into if we see on our child's search history that they saw some type of, like, you know, some type of, like, what we may consider really horrible bondage or something that's, like, some fetish that's just completely bizarre. I mean, we don't want them to sort of we don't want them to think that that's healthy sexuality, or maybe it is. How do we how do we have a responsible discussion with them in those terms?
Dr. Tara [00:33:22]:
Wow. Yeah. And that's a a difficult place to begin. Right? But yet that's a reality for a lot of parents. They see the search, and they're like, wow. My children are searching this already, and they're 12. What do I do? I would say especially if it's some really hardcore stuff or even illegal, like sex with animals. I've heard, you know, a client where her son, who's 14, searches, like, sex with animals.
Dr. Tara [00:33:54]:
Right? So she's like, okay. I don't even know where to start. Like, why is he doing this? Am I in trouble? Is he gonna become a, you know, quote unquote weirdo? I go, well, number 1, sex with animals is illegal. I don't know about other countries, but in the United States, it's illegal. So, you can definitely teach him in that sense, right, in terms of, like, legal ramifications. But to start with, per per usual, and I I hope this, because of how much I say it, that it becomes the norm for for all parents is have a dialogue. Start with a question. Hey, Peter.
Dr. Tara [00:34:34]:
Can I talk to you for a minute? Okay. Okay, mom. Whatever. Okay, dad. Whatever. Right? Sit them down. Like, hey. I just want you to know I'm, you know, not attacking you.
Dr. Tara [00:34:46]:
I'm not, questioning you. I just really wanna know what you're up to. I saw that you were searching for, let's say, human fox a horse. Right? Why did you search for that? And a lot of times, teenagers will go, I don't know. I thought it was funny. Right? I don't know. Just thought it was funny. Someone at school brought it up and like, what does that look like? Or like, I don't know.
Dr. Tara [00:35:18]:
I just thought it was funny. Right? You can go into, well, obviously, you perhaps got to see it. Did you think it was funny? What do you think about it? Maybe they go, I think it's super weird. Right? Then you can go in to a little teaching moment, like, yeah. And also just in case if you didn't know, it's illegal. It's illegal everywhere to do that. And in fact, that the reason, not the reason. And when you watch these things on the Internet, these the people that are doing this for on the Internet, it's also illegal to show those things.
Dr. Tara [00:36:01]:
So just so you know, in that sense, it is illegal. But also, now that you think it's weird, do you think you'll revisit it? They're like, nah, it was super weird. I was just curious. Okay. Yeah. That's okay. We're all curious. Like, when I was young, I was curious about a lot of things.
Dr. Tara [00:36:18]:
So let's say we're you're probably not gonna watch it again. Right? No. Like, that was super weird. No. I just I was just curious. Okay. Cool. Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:36:27]:
If you're ever curious about other things, I mean, I'm an adult. I have it you know, I've seen a lot of things. Just ask me. Okay. Cool. Enough discussion. It doesn't have to go, it doesn't have to be angry. It doesn't have to be, a huge like, you made a mistake.
Dr. Tara [00:36:45]:
This is immoral. There's a flaw in your character. It doesn't have to be anything like that. A lot of times when kids Google these, like, hardcore porn situations or fetish situations, they have heard from a friend and they're curious. We don't have to penalize them for being curious. We can just ask them how they feel afterwards.
Dr. Tara [00:37:08]:
How do
Dr. Tara [00:37:08]:
you feel about that?
Adam Mitchell [00:37:08]:
You know what comes to mind is, in in places of violence and trauma, when a child is exposed to maybe he he maybe a child sees someone get shot.
Dr. Tara [00:37:21]:
Mhmm.
Adam Mitchell [00:37:22]:
Or maybe a child is witness to some type of catastrophe and people get killed. Or, a child has been exposed to domestic violence. Right? I can tell you that a couple of experiences in my life, have made me so, like, I I mean, the donkey porn thing goes back to kids thinking it's funny and, like, college kids would, like, pass. Like, look at this girl, like, the, you know, down there's gotta be an I'm wondering from you. Like, there's I'm wondering if you could be I'll I'll just step into some I'll open my own vulnerability up here a little bit. But, like, I remember I saw that once, and I I was I was I was I it's still I can feel it. It's kinda like you know, I'm sure every dad who's watching or listening to us, violence. Like, we can step back to the first time we got into a fist fight and we hurt someone as a child.
Adam Mitchell [00:38:27]:
That stays imprinted in us. There's a lot of other things and, like, other, you know, moments of anger and whatever that kind of are just in short term memory, and then we're gone they're gone. But the traumatic things stay. And that experience of me seeing that porn for the first time, that was fucking horrible, man. And and it made me ask a lot of questions about sexuality. I'd be like, can she actually have that go in her? Or, like, what happens when or you know? And then and then another time I was in a room where a bunch of guys were watching a snuff film. And I was like, no way. Not even to put, and I wonder what made me say, no.
Adam Mitchell [00:39:08]:
I'm not gonna watch that. But you have 4 other guys, friends of mine, we were teenagers. They were all good kids. Like, where was the deciding point? Was it was it our morals? Was it our past ex was it past experiences and exposure? What made me decide no and then yes? And are they now carrying the visual trauma of seeing a girl have that happen to her? It was, I mean, it was horrible. And then the third experience was I used to work at a nightclub, and 1 and every now and then, they would have bands that would come in, industrial bands, and they would have, like there's one band, Jenna Tortures, and they would have, you know, women, one one act, they were just like, like, saran wrapped to a post and just their nipples were exposed, and they'd pour hot wax on them and, like, and they would just do all these mutilatives things in the and it was like to me, I was just like, what are you like, what what's going on here, and how is that? And I wonder, like, is that discussion enough, Tara? Is it is it like if a child sees that and sees a woman or a man having intercourse with a horse? There's other questions that they just don't know the answers to that are gonna and that's kinda traumatizing. Mhmm. What what say you there?
Dr. Tara [00:40:28]:
Whether or not, like, a child may internalize it or not, I think it's such a deep, like, brain question that we actually don't have an answer for. For some, it internalizes so deeply, and it comes up all the time. For others, they don't even remember it. Right? Like, I'm 100% sure I've seen some animal porn. I've definitely seen, like, an octopus go into a vagina. I can't recall it though, and it doesn't affect the way I see sex now or having sex. So, whether or not how much a child internalizes a scene from porn, we don't have an answer for that because we don't have, like, brain studies or longitudinal studies to show, oh, you've seen that when you were 10. Now that you're 40, do you still remember it? And how does it affect you? Like, we don't have a study for that.
Dr. Tara [00:41:17]:
So I wouldn't be able to speak about it confidently. However, I do know, that there are when you ask, like, what's the difference between you and those boys that stayed and watch it versus you were, like, I'm out. Right? What's the difference between you and them, is a personality trait called sensation seeking.
Adam Mitchell [00:41:40]:
Yeah. Say more about that.
Dr. Tara [00:41:42]:
Yeah. So, it's sensation seeking is on a continuum, and it shifts over time and topically. So it depends on the topic. You know, people that would walk on the little string on top of 2 tall buildings, those are people that that are adrenaline seeking, right, which is a type of sensation seeking. Now some people have sexual sensation seeking much higher level than others, perhaps your sensation seeking level is very low, right? You like comfortable, passionate to people, sex, right, versus for some, it's like, oh, like, you know, I want to explore this. I wanna I wanna try a gangbang, And I'm not saying that that's a bad thing. If you're an adult and you consent for it, go for it. Right? But, that's the difference between you and them is the levels of sensation seeking.
Dr. Tara [00:42:48]:
And, all of them are normal. There's no, like, wrong level of sensation seeking. You can't help it. It's a part of you. But you can divert it to other kinds of sensations. That's why, like some, you know, let's say some young boys in religious areas, even though they they it they have it in their personality sensation seeking, high sensation seeking, but that yet they can't get exposed to other things that they can imagine to, they would masturbate a lot. Right? They would just use their imagination and masturbate like 8 times a day Versus, perhaps, boys in a more, like, metro area and have access to the Internet and smartphone may go on go in and watch different kind of, porn and read different kinds of things, to satisfy their sensation seeking needs.
Adam Mitchell [00:43:50]:
So the sensation seeking needs, is it, is it would you say that it is a responsibility or it is a responsible elder who's able to recognize that natural urge that a young person has and be able to redirect it into something productive, not to dismiss it by any means. Right. But sitting around and masturbating 8 time 8 times a day is is pretty damaging. And I would say from from a DAO perspective, it's pretty damn life draining. Yeah. But is it would you consider it, you know, an elder or parent to recognize that and redirect that energy into some, activity or way that they're, you know, testosterone? I don't know, like, something where they're, like, move pushing themselves to divert that sensation, seek into another, activity or outcome that helps feed that sensation, helps them feel as though they are able to answer that call, but didn't fall into the need of loneliness of solo masturbation and imagination or porn. What like, where where where do we where do we pivot like, where do we move there as a parent?
Dr. Tara [00:45:07]:
Excellent point. I would recommend sports.
Adam Mitchell [00:45:11]:
Sports.
Dr. Tara [00:45:12]:
Yeah. Sports where there's a lot of socialization, very stimulating situations, highly competitive, that's sensation seeking, That will satisfy the sensation seeking. A lot of things going on at once. So sports, is a great way to help children, I mean boys and girls to divert that excessive sensation seeking and sexual energy into giving themselves into something that is 1, not only great for that purpose, but 2, great for socialization, 3, great for health, 4, great for, developing their, social skills, like all kinds of good things. So I always highly recommend sports and team sports.
Adam Mitchell [00:46:08]:
So what what I'm hearing here from our conversation is and I think we all knew this, but you really put us like, really put a highlighter onto the priority we need to make about having conversations about sexual health and, understanding and really starting from a place of how does that make you feel?
Dr. Tara [00:46:35]:
Mhmm.
Adam Mitchell [00:46:35]:
And, and not having any disapproval or approval because how someone feels is how they feel. You
Dr. Tara [00:46:44]:
can't Right.
Adam Mitchell [00:46:44]:
You can't approve or disapprove that. And if you are
Dr. Tara [00:46:47]:
And when you penalize them, they will stop talking to you, and that's the problem. Yeah.
Adam Mitchell [00:46:51]:
And you're just being a dick.
Dr. Tara [00:46:52]:
Yeah. But a lot of people do. Sadly, you know, our generations, we weren't taught, like, good relational communication either.
Adam Mitchell [00:47:00]:
Yeah. But I also think a lot of it too is based on some old religious narratives that are kinda stuck, and we wanted to do good by our grandparents. And, you know, if you would you ever say that in front of your mother? Okay. So I guess I won't say it. But getting outside of that container and really being you know, understanding your children at any age are going to have certain, certain outcomes where they're gonna or or certain steps into seeking sensation, and we need to be there to help manage that and to coach them through that and to not be afraid of those hard discussions. And if we're able to do that, then when they do, not if they do, but when they do because, it's gonna happen that they get exposed to porn. And if they get exposed to traumatic content, they'll at least have the mental and emotional agency
Dr. Tara [00:47:52]:
Mhmm.
Adam Mitchell [00:47:53]:
To be able to understand, to be able to step away, or to just be able to manage it. Right?
Dr. Tara [00:47:58]:
Mhmm. 100%.
Adam Mitchell [00:48:00]:
Yeah. And and then that will prevent them or make it less likely for them to be in places where they can become a vulnerable target, as we were speaking about earlier. So this is really good. It's very clear. It's extremely helpful to me. It's really kinda opened, my paradigm up a bit. And I've really I mean, having 4 kids and working in personal protection and safety, this has been a topic that, you know, I've really read about and I've tried to stay on top of, but you've really given me some value here. Let's step into communication templates, doctor Tara.
Adam Mitchell [00:48:37]:
Yes. Talk to me about what, like, where what what is the life cycle of that conversation? I'm not looking for the birds and bees, but I and I know that every conversation is gonna be different. It's gonna be relative to age. It's gonna be relative to gender. It's gonna be relative to culture, socioeconomic.
Dr. Tara [00:48:55]:
Mhmm.
Adam Mitchell [00:48:55]:
I mean, whatever. But what what's the model that we should be really following here?
Dr. Tara [00:49:02]:
Yes. So I would say two things. 1, please please use the correct vocabulary. And what how young how young is too young, never too young. A 5 year old asks you don't call a vulva flower. They will internalize it as it's not okay to use the word vulva or vagina, when in fact it's a scientific term. Use the right vocabulary. And if you haven't been using it, that's okay.
Dr. Tara [00:49:37]:
Time to change. We'll start now. Use the correct terms. That's very, very important.
Adam Mitchell [00:49:43]:
That's your own insecurity if you're not able to do that. If you're not able to talk to your 10 year old daughter about her vagina and you're using the flower, it's your own insecurity. Own that.
Dr. Tara [00:49:52]:
That's Yeah.
Adam Mitchell [00:49:53]:
And move forward and get stronger and and be honest with you. That's a great point.
Dr. Tara [00:49:57]:
And get stronger. You can do this. Right? Like, you perhaps feel that you lack the sexual communication competence, but everyone can get better, and we're all adults here. We should strive for our children really to become more competent in talking about it. So please use the correct terms. Say the say all the words vulva, vagina, penis, scrotum, like say it because these are actual terms. And then number 2, always resort to a dialogue. If you don't know how to start a dialogue about any sex related topics, ask a question first.
Dr. Tara [00:50:37]:
What you don't know is when you ask a question, your son or daughter, will immediately register it will immediately register in your brain that you are interested in what they have to say. And that what they have to say and their thoughts and their opinions matter. If you just tell them what is And even though it's the accurate thing, it's the right thing to say, they will immediately think, oh, I I don't have the power. I I oh, I can only listen from my parent and and, believe them. Right? But what that teaches them in terms of communication pattern is in the future, if there is an older person that tells you something in a confident way, you should believe them. Not okay. Question everything. Right? Therefore, ask a question so that they know, like, oh, asking questions is good, and I should not just trust people blindly.
Dr. Tara [00:51:38]:
I should be questioning why they're doing this, how is this beneficial to me, is this dangerous. Right? So by you modeling this behavior and asking them a question, even if they're really young, will allow them to forever internalize that their opinion, decisions, experiences matter. So ask a question.
Adam Mitchell [00:52:04]:
And listen.
Dr. Tara [00:52:05]:
Yes. Definitely actively listen and probe after that because they will say something that you might think, well, they're a child. Like, it's not like they say something important. Well, you might miss little cues in those little communication from your young children of what they know.
Adam Mitchell [00:52:23]:
What are some of the what are some of the things that you've seen in parents that they just can't get, like, they they have the hardest time getting through? And as a result, their children are gonna they're they're gonna struggle. And and you're, like, man, I see this this kid, this poor child, because the parent can't get through that.
Dr. Tara [00:52:45]:
Well, I mean, there's, like, the extreme, which is just people, you know, couples that have domestic violence and children have to observe that. That's already, like, that's a terrible situation. But let's say you have a normal loving relationship, but what's something that you can't get over is traditional fathers not being able to talk about sex with their daughters. A lot of traditional fathers are not just choose to avoid talking about sex with their daughters, when in fact, that's what they perhaps need the most. Yeah. When they're younger, when they're, you know, like a 13 year old girl, that's perhaps what they need the most is their father confirming them what it looks, what a healthy relationship looks like. You know, the term daddy issues that people love using like, oh, that girl has daddy issues. Perhaps her dad is always there and, you know, supports her through different things like financial support and, you know, hobbies and stuff like that.
Dr. Tara [00:53:44]:
But maybe he just never ever talked about sex in, any way. Like he avoided it completely. That could be there could be a negative side effects to that.
Adam Mitchell [00:53:56]:
That's wonderful. Hugely important. You know, I think I'll share an experience I have with my 10 year old daughter is one of the things that we began doing when she was about 7 or 8. I realized that I wanted to start sort of pre framing her for understanding this topic. And we started to go on, you know, we started on on the bike path. We went on nature walks, and then all of a sudden, we got into, actually, we got into looking for and identifying using a mobile app identifying mushrooms and different types of trees and stuff like that. And then I started teaching her about pollination, and then we started talking about animals and and babies and and, like, the like, how birds nest and and you just you get them in it. You really immerse them in a natural thing, and that makes the entering into the conversation about sexuality so much more beautiful and so much easier.
Adam Mitchell [00:54:53]:
And the giggles, by the way, dads, when you say vagina to your your 8 year old child, the giggles last for about, I don't know, maybe 2 or 3 days. After that, it's just there's no, like, then they start laughing at when you say, like, booby or butt. Like but when you use the scientific terms, they're like, oh, yeah. And and it's get over that. Like, get through that that Yeah.
Dr. Tara [00:55:17]:
Like we
Adam Mitchell [00:55:17]:
were just talking about. That's that's that's really important. I like that. So in when I think we're we're really clear on a lot of things here. Let's take a let's take a broader step back with the with the time that we have left. And I'd like to hear, some of about some of the work that you're doing right now and what some of the recent discoveries and some of the recent moments that you've had with family sexual communication family sex communication, because that's your current work, isn't it?
Dr. Tara [00:55:49]:
Yes. So that's my current project. I have collected, I think, 1,200 participants for the quantitative data, which is like a survey. And then this summer, I'm going to start interviewing people, like, in a focus group manner. So, yeah, it's been fun.
Adam Mitchell [00:56:07]:
What's the outcome? What are you looking to do with that?
Dr. Tara [00:56:10]:
Yes. I'm looking to understand to better understand how specifically to talk to children about different sex topics. So as much as I shared with you right now, that's all I know. Got it. I want to know more. I want to know deeper. So that's the reason why I'm conducting this mixed method, research, which is through survey and focus groups. In the survey, an interesting finding is family sex communication is strongly associated with young adults' ability to, sexually self disclose.
Dr. Tara [00:56:52]:
And, like, let's unpack that in, like, a, easy to understand terms.
Dr. Tara [00:56:57]:
It's
Dr. Tara [00:56:58]:
how the parents approach sex topic when they're younger. Like, for example, if there's a kissing a passionate kissing scene, are the parents like closing the eyes of a 10 year old and say, oh my god, don't watch that or get out of the room or you're just like, oh, that's just what adults do. How you approach the topic of sex in your household, will carry on to your children's young adult life and will affect the way they communicate about sex with their relationship partner. The more open minded, and communicative, like let's just talk about it in the household, the more likely the children that grow up to young adults will talk about sex, openly with their partner, which in turn, that that act of communicating openly with a partner predicts long term sexual satisfaction and a happy relationship. So, yeah, you affects your children's ability to talk about sex as adults.
Adam Mitchell [00:58:11]:
That's a scary place for a lot of dads to think about. And again, I wanna talk about, you know, when you say it affects their ability to talk about, I might, I might put a note next to that, and it says it affects their ability to feel safe in those discussions. Right? And we as a a lot of dads don't feel safe. And that's really the most important thing that I'm trying to get out of this conversation is where is how can we keep our children safe on this topic? And I think Mhmm. What I've the the the main theme that I've, I've learned from you here, doctor Tara, is that there is a long game for us dads that we gotta pay close attention to. And it's it's really made me think that even though we are are scared to step into a discussion with our 13 or 14 year old daughter about sex, and then she's gonna be like, oh, that's gross. Get away from your dad. Yeah.
Adam Mitchell [00:59:06]:
And and but, like, is that a fear of rejection that that we're not able to step up to? Is it a fear of, we don't understand the topic ourself? Mhmm. And that we need to and I wanna kinda that I kinda wanna close things here with a a question to you about that. But I think really what it comes down to is we need to dad up. I mean, we need to really, you know
Dr. Tara [00:59:30]:
Yes.
Adam Mitchell [00:59:30]:
We need to dad up and be present for our daughters and and really our boys in a different way, and face those conversations. But let me stack something on here that I didn't even think about bringing into this conversation, and that is we as dads, we are not the pillars of divine masculinity and sexuality ourselves. And we need to stop thinking that at 23, we knew it all, and we graduated with a PhD in intercourse. Because, like, I learned later on, and it was through and I I kinda made a joke a little while ago in our conversation about, like, the Taoist practices. But there are a lot of and and a lot of cultures, whether it's the Hindu culture, whether it's the chine I mean, we get, you know, the shamanistic practices. But there are a lot of, there are a lot of ancient there's a lot of ancient wisdom out there that's become very available to people about sexuality in ways that have been forgotten. I mean, who knew that a that male internal ejaculation was a thing and that a male could control their ejaculation with their mind, and they could move that energy throughout their body, during sex, and they could last for hours. And these are all real real things.
Adam Mitchell [01:00:52]:
So it's like I invite the men who are listening to this conversation, to become a student again and to step into sexuality and the natural rhythm and the eternal rhythm of that so that they can be better to their children, so that they can be one step ahead of their children rather than, you know, learning everything by the time you're 19. And that's your framework in your marriage, in your that's gosh.
Dr. Tara [01:01:20]:
That's gotta Like, now you're 40 and, like, you you still live by the framework you learned when you were 18.
Adam Mitchell [01:01:26]:
There is so much to learn, that I I mean, I've looked at the books by, Montauk Chia and some of the you know, there's a the life changing book that after I read it, I said, you know what? I wish someone had given me this book when I was 18, and that's, the multiorgasmic man. I would like to ask you, doctor, is there anything for the men who wanna become students of their own sexuality? Where's the starting point for them so that they can I mean, hey? Look. Let's be let's show up better for our children. Let's show up better for our wives. But first, let's show up better for ourselves. What what would you recommend there?
Dr. Tara [01:02:07]:
Gosh. There's, I mean, there's so much, resources on the Internet. If you would Google perhaps a topic that you would like to learn more about sexuality, male sexuality, there I think there's a website called and I'm not, like, endorsed by them or anything. In the enhanced mail, that's specifically about male sex and, like, sexuality. And also, of course, like, the book that you just mentioned. I think that's very valuable resource. And being, you know, a better lover to your wives and your girlfriends, I highly recommend and can't recommend enough of the book called, Come As You Are. It is one of the most celebrated, sexuality books out there right now
Adam Mitchell [01:02:57]:
Oh, thank you.
Dr. Tara [01:02:57]:
By Emily Nagoski. It's a very well researched, everything scientific book.
Adam Mitchell [01:03:03]:
Awesome. Wow. Thank you for sharing. I'm a I'm a check that out myself. This is
Dr. Tara [01:03:07]:
Come as you are.
Adam Mitchell [01:03:08]:
Yeah. Yeah. Wonderful. So this brings us to the hour, doctor Tarr. Really, I mean, I could keep going on with this conversation for a long time. It's fascinating. And I know that I began this discussion with really, like, alright. What do we need to be aware of? Where's the boogeyman in the closet? But we really, we opened us up to a more empowering place, I think.
Adam Mitchell [01:03:28]:
And as I just said, really sort of taking a more macro perspective of sexuality, a more nature based and holistic, approach with our children, and getting over our own fears and being careful not to trip over our own ego and our own false narratives and show up for our kids about a conversation that will help them, be incredible human beings. So this has been this has been amazing. Doctor, where can, where can this community here that's, with us connect with you more and and, and and if some of them really need to reach out to you for, for some of the services that you offer, can you tell us a little bit about that?
Dr. Tara [01:04:11]:
Yes. Dads and parents. I'd like to hear from you. You can find me on my website, lovebites.co. And on there, I have my social media, my coaching, information, and also a message block where you can message me your situation. And I can message you back whether or not I would be the appropriate person to work with you and your children, or I can recommend you to someone. I know that a lot of parents or single dads find talking about sex, quite difficult, So I love supporting them through coaching, meaning you and your son, daughter can attend, like, a Zoom coaching session with me, and I can be the person that navigates this conversation for you.
Adam Mitchell [01:05:04]:
Wow. That's that's valuable. That's wonderful.
Dr. Tara [01:05:07]:
Thank you so much. Yeah. So find me on lovevites.co.
Adam Mitchell [01:05:10]:
Great. Thank you, doctor Tara. You know, I hope that this conversation that we had today is going to create a lot of discussion going forward, even if it's within our community here. And what I'd like to do, doctor, is invite you back maybe in several months from now, after we've really taken your information. We've, you know, we brought it to conversations with our family, with our children. And I'd like to explore a couple of other things, not so much in, in the direction that we did today with porn, but I'd like to talk about, some other some other ways that our children can benefit from this discussion. I just really wanna end this conversation with thanking you for the work that you do, and the lives that you're changing. It's a tough, tough topic for a lot of us, especially as men.
Adam Mitchell [01:06:06]:
And and to approach that topic and discuss it with our children really scares the hell out of a lot of us and and for a lot of good reason too, but we need to get over it. We need to move forward, and I think you've empowered us for that. And you do that every day through the work that you do, and, just wanna thank you for the all of the, the gifts that you're bringing to the world. So thank you very much.
Dr. Tara [01:06:26]:
Thank you so much, Adam. That means a lot.
